I'm HAPPY, dammit!

Woke up this morning to a less than positive horoscope which was eerily on target today, sighed over the empty pillow next to me, fought a bad case of the short-timers syndrome and went to work. Ugh!!!!

What a day! What a stupid, wasted, panicky horrid day! I'm happy, dammit! Why can't the minutuae of my life get with the program?

Reasons for happiness?

1. Headed south to be with Nameless for the rest of forever...as I told him (plagarizing Trace Adkins like a big hairy dog) "I can't swear that I'll be here for the rest of your life, but I swear I'll love you for the rest of mine."

2. Got a job interview with Waste Management in Hobe Sound. Really have to sell myself which generally isn't a problem, but I sure am panicky about this. I want it and need it too badly and that's not healthy.

3. Still working with a week-long glow of constant Nameless company. A week of playing it by ear, going with the flow and just being with my friend...sublime is not a good enough word, but its the only one I can think of.

4. I learned how to say "I love you" in Cherokee...just in case my Irish Injun doesn't understand the other 23 ways I tell him...LOL

5. Work isn't as bad--I don't get aggravated because I know there's an end in sight and that's hope gleaming up ahead and not a train wreck coming towards me. This makes me happy because I know I'm so much more than this and I'm going to be able to find that somewhere else, I just know it.

So the evil winds are whirling around me, buffetting, tossing, turning me every which way but the one I want to go in. Bad tires, low funds, job interview 9 hours away during end of month, sore body, angry loved ones...a plethora of Pandora's Box inhabitants...me being me, I listen to them and project them on to the "happy" things, allowing the panic to take over and color everything with the "ick"...

Then a little voice whispers in my ear "baby, relax, breathe, quit panicking--its gonna work out"...I trust that voice more than I trust that the sky is blue, so I do...and I breathe, and smile and pray and thank God for the "happy"...I try not to believe in it unreservedly just in case my castles tumble out of the sky, but deep down, I have no choice...I want it to badly.

So in a nutshell, I'm happy, dammit! I need to learn to live with that...foreign concept that it is.