I've never been more Homesick than now...

Just thoughts about home—not a house—but the home where your heart is. I’d finally found a safe and happy place of my own after so many years of being homeless only to face the dismal reality that I am still just a renter. I can make my plans, rearrange my furniture, even pick out paint swatches, but in the long run its still not mine.

Home, by definition is “the place where something is discovered, founded, developed, or promoted; a source.” That’s a little dry for something that means so much but its fairly accurate. My sense of this is definition is when you finally come home for real, you find yourself, you establish a security that you didn’t know you lacked; you develop as a person, not changing per se, but if it’s a real home, your flaws can become strengths and your strengths become necessary to someone else. You promote love and friendship and help; your home becomes the source of your joy.

A few quotes on Home with my own little twist—

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. ~Christian Morgenstern
It was so fricking awesome to find someone I didn’t share a bloodline with who ‘got’ me…even if it made them look at me oddly when they thought I wasn’t looking. I miss that.

Peace - that was the other name for home. ~Kathleen Norris
I think that’s what I miss about my Home…that calm serenity even while I was dashing to and from on my important business…funny thing about important business? It loses it importance when put on the tally sheet with the really important things…So now my peace is non-existent and my entire self cries out for it every minute of every hour of every day.

Where we love is home, Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., Homesick in Heaven
It’s a shame, really. Whoever said absence makes the heart grow fonder needs to be bitch slapped in my opinion…absence makes the heart weak and unstable and frail…just like a Home that’s been left empty whilst its inhabitants have gone to find themselves.

Home is a shelter from storms - all sorts of storms. ~William J. Bennett
So basically, I’m adrift. Tiny showers,, n’oreasters, tsunamis…not even a lean –to for shelter anymore. I know that a real home can stand time and distance and adversity…and therein lies the rub.

Not going home is already like death. E. Catherine Tobler,
And so every day that I say hello and goodbye, I die that little death…each time I pop in a Lean Cuisine or watch the sun set on the Gulf or walk the men’s department at Old Navy… Cada día, una pequeña muerte.

In my next life, maybe I’ll warrant a castle…